There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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