he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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