I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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