I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
