worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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