my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
