this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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