i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
