whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
