Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
