There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
