so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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