When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
