I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
