Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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