Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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