She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
