That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
