totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
