I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
