Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
