He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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