they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
