i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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