He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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