i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
