Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
