You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
