hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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