just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
