wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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