I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
