just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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