He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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