Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
