I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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