why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
