Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
