He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
