Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
