careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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