i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
