i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
