i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
