Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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