am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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