I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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