Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
