btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
