youre lurking in front of me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
