All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
