it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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