im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
